The Post Before Christmas
There’s important stuff buried in here. I’m serious. But today is Friday, Saturday I take off, and on Sunday it’s Christmas day. So this is my last chance to wish everyone a Merry Christmas in the best way I know how.
Okay, here it goes.
Twas some hours before Christmas, the meal at the house
And all guests they were munching on cheeses and on grouse.
Well maybe not grouse, but there was good paté
And surely some more tasty things on the way.
The smells from the kitchen they sailed through the air
Like chestnuts and nutmeg and puddings so fair.
All the dishes were good, but one’s a grand slam,
If you’ve had one you know, it’s the HoneyBaked ham.
But somewhere between the fridge and the table,
The ham had some trouble with my dear old aunt Mabel.
She was proper and feisty but not really that old.
And said, “I’ll never serve guests any ham that is cold.”
You see some young man, with a directions sheet,
Pointed out that this ham should never see heat.
Just let it sit out to take off the chill.
It’s perfectly safe, no one will get ill.
Mabel was stubborn, and said, “This can’t be
A Christmas ham that’s not hot, is a big travesty.
I’ll just cover with foil and put the oven on low.
And you, dear young man, can eat it or go.”
Unable to save the ham from its fate.
He grabbed the paté and he ate and he ate.
While in the slow oven, under the foil
The juice in the ham was starting to boil.
The glaze that was once so crisp and so fine
Was melting away, and much less divine.
It coated the slices, it pooled in the pan.
It little resembled the ham that began.
Mabel was pleased when she brought out the platter.
Her dinner was warm, she saw not the matter.
But you dear reader, I hope you can see
That this sad Christmas story, never should be.
HoneyBaked makes some hams that are great.
And deserve to be spared from such a grim fate.
If you want a hot ham, that’s fine and I get it.
But buy one from Rolf’s, Glen even takes credit.
P.S. I’m serious. If you have a HoneyBaked ham do not put it in the oven. If you ask, the wonderful people at HoneyBaked will give you a sheet that carries the below words. Sadly they are not in bold and all caps. But truer words were never written:
HEATING MAY CAUSE THE HAM TO DRY OUT AND LOSE FLAVOR.
I encourage you to read more here. Best wishes for a merry Christmas to you and yours from the Profussor. I hope all your hams are juicy and your glazes stay intact.