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Ho Ho Ho

December 25, 2012

Joke’s on me. Everything is closed today. Usually that makes it a great day to drive down to Pennsylvania and eat some Chinese food along the way. This year we’re traveling a few days late.

I’m hoping that means a night of Taiwan Noodle for me and the Fussy Family. But they may be packed thanks to a recent rave review in the Times Union. It’s good that they finally learned what many of us have known for a long time. Now the secret is clearly out. Good for the folks at the restaurant. Less good perhaps for those of us who are used to just breezing in and getting a table any time we like.

What I will be doing is heading over to see Albany Jane and join her for brunch. I’ll be bringing a few goodies of my own, especially seeing as how the butter caramels I brought back from Paris don’t quite fit into my new diet. It’s so sad.

But while my understanding of this holiday is still tenuous at best, it doesn’t stop me from giving some helpful advice to get through the day.

For Those Whose Meal is About to be Ruined
It makes me weep crusty tears of HoneyBaked glaze when I consider how many holiday hams will be ruined out of a combination of stubbornness and misinformation. Last year, instead of getting all up in arms about it, I decided to write a helpful poem on the matter. Last night I reread the verses and cracked myself up. Let us never forget that a large part of the FLB is written purely for my own personal amusement.

Seriously though, NEVER, NEVER EVER put a HoneyBaked ham in an oven or even a microwave. Read the instructions. Leave it out to take off the chill, and enjoy this delicious feat of science and technology. Or don’t, and never truly understand why you shelled out all that money for this hunk of pink meat.

For Those Who are Sick and Tired of their Families
Part of the holiday tradition for many many people, much like at Thanksgiving, is to go see a movie with the family. If your family has young kids, that means Monsters Inc. If that notion drives you into apoplexy, consider ditching the cinema and watching your own movie on the laptop instead. In the past I’ve recommended “The Future of Food” on Hulu.com. However, it’s no longer available on the site. Hope you watched it when you had the chance.

That’s not to say there aren’t other food movies you could watch for free in the privacy of your own home. There are. And with your headphones on, you can still pretend your family is far far away, just like you can in the theater.

There is this cheery one about fish.
The one about the fight for organics.
There is the one about eating better.
Here’s a 2007 movie all about corn.
Or an uplifting tale of factory farms.
Ane the optimistic one about bees.

While I may kid about the characterization of the films, they aren’t exactly a laughing matter. But shouldn’t we be healing the world today or something? And if not actively healing it, let’s learn about the parts that need the most care so we can start the hard work of fixing it all tomorrow.

For Those Who are Just Sick
Stay the hell away from Taiwan Noodle. I’m serious. Sure, a good hot bowl of soup will make you feel right as rain, but you are not allowed to make me sick while seeking out your own comfort.

Seriously, a nub of ginger boiled in cold water, sweetened with honey, and spiked with lemon to help get all the honey down will do the trick. If you start adding booze to it, you’ve got yourself a potent winter cocktail.

If you are sick from overindulging, my favorite curative is anise-based spirits. But to each his own.

Regardless of any of the above, I wish you and yours a very merry Christmas. We’ll talk more about New Year’s Eve tomorrow.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Eric Scheirer Stott permalink
    December 25, 2012 2:48 pm

    The only time to heat Honey Baked Ham is when the last scraps go into an omlette

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