For today, I’m going to let that go. But officially, I think “sliders” has become a totally overused word and sadly rendered meaningless. In this case, it refers to a mini-sandwiches with a hot meat filling, and not the gloriously greasy burger.

But it was not just a feeding frenzy, there was also serious work to be done.

Over thirty AOA readers submitted their best ideas for a slider using one of four proteins and a laundry list of toppings. I along with Jerry and Janie (aka The Judges) got to determine the five finalists. And on the night of the event, the three of us sat around a table and sampled those creations to determine which one might go on the Central Steak menu.

I’ve been dying to write about this ever since the contest started, to go on the record with what I think makes a great mini-burger. But by waiting, I’m also going to be able to share the valuable lesson I learned at Judges Table.

These sliders were all about the toppings, and pairing the toppings with one of four proteins: ground beef, ground lamb, pulled pork, or braised pork belly.

Honestly, creating a winning combination based merely on the list of ingredients would be almost impossible. Mostly because the flavor profile of some of the toppings was a mystery. There was no way to know that the pulled pork would taste strongly of Chinese Five Spice, or that the mustard was Dijon, or even how delicious the tomato jalapeno relish would turn out to be.

I think after a night of building their own burgers using these ingredients, the readers’  entries would have been a lot stronger.

Because there were a lot of misguided entries.

It was a struggle for me to come up with five that I wanted to eat. But to be fair, a large part of that had to do with a personal prejudice. I’m not crazy about greenery on burgers. Still, I can deal with classic iceberg and bitter romaine; arugula can even sometimes be pleasant. Raw spinach on the other hand has no place on my sandwich.

Now cook that spinach, or even quickly wilt it, and I’ll welcome it with open arms. But raw spinach on a burger is a deal breaker for me.

My nominees kept the topings simple, and chose flavors that not only paired well with each other and the protein of choice, but also struck a balance of sweet, salty, funky, hot, fresh, and tangy. Pickled vegetables cut through fat. Sugar tames spice. Cheese is lightened with some fresh greens. You get the idea.

But I stayed away from the phantasmagorical. The things that seemed to pile toppings on toppings just for the hell of it. So I did not nominate the sandwich that went by the name The Whole Hog.

It was pork belly with black pepper aioli, pickled onion, pickled cucumber, caramelized onion, bacon, sesame purple cabbage, blue cheese and arugula. And it sounded like a mess.

When it arrived at Judges Table, it was a towering heap of ingredients. Grabbing hold of it, and getting it into the mouth was a daunting experience. And I was a little apprehensive about the gelatinous braised pork belly that Chef Devin puts out (I prefer mine with a little more tooth to it).

But. I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.

And you know, it doesn’t matter where it comes from. It can be from a family member, a friend or a complete stranger on the Internet. I see these transgressions of taste, these crimes against food, and have to take a stand.

For some reason, this has been happening a lot lately. And I mean a lot. These exchanges tend to happen on Twitter, Facebook or in real life. But I thought it was time to bring some of them here, so we can talk about them in detail.

Can anyone say, Theme Week?

Today, I want to set the stage. Because there are really three stories from the past few weeks I feel compelled to share in detail. Each of them will get their own dedicated post. So for those who missed out on all the fireworks over banana ice cream and chicken stock, I’m going to take the chance to catch you up. And then there’s the awful thing I did to Mrs. Fussy that involves the simple act of placing an order for take out.

The individual stories will start on Wednesday. Tuesday will be dedicated to the anniversary of the FLB. And I cannot think of a more appropriate way to see out my terrible twos. Incidentally, you are all still cordially invited to drop in and say hi during any of the anniversary festivities on Tuesday.

But back to fighting about food for a minute, because it think it’s important that you all have some context.

This has been going on for a long long time. Raf may have even forgotten about one of our disagreements from almost twenty years ago, but I haven’t. My contention at the time was that the best seafood could be found at dockside bar and grills where fish was taken off boats still alive, killed and grilled simply by someone who pretty much has just cooked fish like that every day since forever.

He was having none of that. Raf believed the best seafood was found in the dining palaces of NYC or Paris where master chefs would have exotic fresh seafood flown in overnight from around the world, and then would transform these pristine specimens into some exquisite masterwork of culinary perfection.

I thought then, and I still maintain, that his ideal is too overwrought. Not that it wouldn’t be delicious, surely it would be amazing. But if you tart the seafood up enough, then what you’re enjoying isn’t the fish anymore, it’s something else.

Perhaps he’ll weigh in on this, and we’ll see if his position has changed. But he’s also the kind of guy who tends to dig in.

To me, disagreements about food among friends is a perfectly normal and healthy exchange. Like how I berate Albany Jane about white chocolate. Although sometimes people take it personally. Honestly I can’t even remember what I said anymore that upset Silly Goose Farm. And sometimes it takes me crossing a line to figure out who those folks are. AJ plays along and gives me hell about that vein that throbs in my forehead when I get upset about food.

I’ve got strong opinions. And I’m also not the best at reading how people are responding to what I consider to be playful debates. That’s how I got stabbed with a fork at a fondue restaurant in Berkeley. You would think that this incident might have taught me an important lesson in restraint.

But I’m not that kind of smart.

Regardless, I wasn’t going to let this get in the way of my second annual Passover break-fast pizza date at DeFazio’s yesterday.

So I timed my muscle relaxants and painkillers so that their effects would peak when it was pizza time. Mrs. Fussy was kind enough to do the driving. And I was able to sit at the end of the table, so I could stand up and stretch out my back. The good news is that I made it through. I was even able to make it to The Snowman for a little ice cream afterwards.

The bad news was a little surprising.

First I have to say that I love DeFazio’s. I do. And I still enthusiastically endorse them as the Best Pizza in the Capital Region for which they are listed in the FUSSYlittleBALLOT. I also should remind you on my stance on consistency: I think it leads to mediocrity and is the enemy of brilliance.

While DeFazio’s has never won a Tournament of Pizza, that is pretty much the result of their decision on what pizza to enter into the finals. It’s a vexing question that has caused other great pizza places to stumble as well. But short of that, I’ve never experienced anything less than brilliant at the shop itself.

Last night was a little bit off.

The pizza tasted great. The toppings were fresh and flavorful as I’ve come to expect. DeFazio’s pays great attention to the quality of their ingredients, and is one of the big things that makes their pizza so delicious. There were bubbles a-plenty on the pies. The end crust was also beautifully crisp and burnished.

So what was wrong?

The bottom crust. It was a bit under done. Not only was it floppy and not able to support the weight of the pizza, but its interior texture was more doughy than cooked. This was consistent across all four pizzas we received over two rounds of ordering.

I can speculate on what happened, maybe the oven was running a bit cooler, possibly the dough was chilled and a bit cooler when it hit the oven floor, or perhaps the crust wasn’t rolled out quite as thin as usual. It’s hard to say, and it doesn’t really matter.

The place is great, and I’ll be back. Today’s post isn’t intended to dissuade anyone from going. It’s just that all places have highs and lows. Good days and bad. And it’s important for people to know. So that if you happen to wander into DeFazio’s and have some pizza that is good but not great, they have the capacity to do better.

For those who base an evaluation of the shop on their clam pizza, I will suggest that it’s folly to get clam pizza anywhere but Pepe’s in New Haven (or perhaps some other city where both clams and pizza are held in equally high regard).  I suspect there might be one or two solid versions of this in Providence, but while their clam score is high, their pizza score is a good bit lower.

But that’s neither here nor there.

Last night DeFazio’s had a couple of tables put out on the sidewalk. You can call ahead to make sure you’ve got a table. And you can bring some beer or wine for a very reasonable corkage (it was $1.50 per head for beers). Just make sure if you are going to order multiple pizzas that you order in rounds. You don’t want more food on your table than you can reasonably finish in a few minutes.

And while some people might be tempted by their organic whole wheat or multi-grain crusts for health reasons, it’s their original white crust that brings me into this institution. Yes, the alternative crusts are very good for what they are. They add nuttiness and complexity into the pie. But texturally, they aren’t what I want in a pizza.

Texture is very important to me. And even at great places, it’s not always right.

Here’s the logic.

Last year, based on the paper’s own numbers, there were nearly 15,000 ballots cast in the survey. That may seem like a lot, and frankly it is. However, if we all joined together, and brought our friends, family and coworkers in on the scheme, we could form a powerful voting block that could influence the results.

But—and this is a big but—it only works if we all vote on a common slate of local businesses.

This was why I created the FUSSYlittleBALLOT. The idea isn’t that the businesses on the slate are the best of the best. Rather, that we can all agree that these businesses are among the best, and far better from some of the other schlock that’s been praised by the paper.

While the slate was never just one person’s opinion, people had a problem voting for a scheme in which they had no direct input. So this year, that part is going to change. It’s time to explain how it’s going to work.

Over the next several weeks, in advance of the Times Union’s release of the 2012 questionnaire (which typically comes out the first week of April) you and I will be discussing what places are indeed the best of the region and why.

I’m calling this Phase Two. If you missed Phase One, just take a peek on the upper right hand corner of the page. It’s not too late to add your signature to the open letter.

Now let’s be clear on one thing. This isn’t a poll and it’s not a vote. It’s a fact-finding mission and it’s a chance for you to make yourself heard. The comments that I receive during Phase Two will greatly influence what businesses ultimately make it onto the FUSSYlittleBALLOT 3.0. However if I get a bunch of ballot stuffers on here trying to convince me that Coccadotts should be the best bakery, they should know in advance they will just be wasting their time (sorry Rachel).

We do need people to come together for this to work. So here’s the plan.

Instead of telling me which business you think is THE BEST, I want to know your top three, in rank order. And I’ll also be asking for a bit more thought than just a list of three establishments. In this case, the why is just as important as the what.

Naturally I will be asking for individual locations, as I hope Phase One has some kind of impact on the 2012 ballot.

We will start this process on Wednesday. For the sake of everyone’s well being, categories will be grouped together. So start thinking about what it means to be the best grocery store. Since this will fundamentally be about where you go and buy ingredients to cook with, we’ll also include the best ethnic markets and farmers markets.

It’s a lot to tackle. But I really only want to do one of these a week. Otherwise this project could take almost every day until April. And there’s a lot more to fuss about than just the Times Union.

Take, for example, all those unanswered questions. I hope to get to those tomorrow.

Surely there are plenty of people who would like to change the annual Times Union Best of the Capital Region poll. I imagine that many of them are lobbying to include a category that serves their personal self-interest. Given the tenacious, entrepreneurial, and competitive nature of our local cupcake bakers, they must be calling weekly to try and find a way onto the ballot.

Let me begin by saying that I have no horse in this race.

My family moved to the region over four years ago from Berkeley, California. The transition was not easy. But over the years, I have diligently sought out magnificent and wonderful places that make the Capital Region truly special: fantastic restaurants that one would not expect to find in a region outside the top 50 DMAs and unique offerings that cannot be found anywhere else.

And every year when the Best of the Capital Region poll is released, I’m crestfallen to see none of these places even get mentioned. To dismiss this poll as a popularity contest is doing the paper and the community a great disservice. What could be a source of great regional pride has recently only served to reinforce the stereotypes of Albany as a backwater of civilized society.

Furthermore, these feelings are not mine alone. Others have noticed and are similarly discouraged.

To be sure, improving the results will take time. But the first step is fixing the questionnaire. I have three specific suggestions that will help to move the poll in the right direction.

1) Individual Locations

There are many people who have suggested that chains have no place on the Best of the Capital Region results. I’m not entirely convinced of that, especially since in many cases the local outposts are owned and operated by members of our community.

However, as consistent as any chain may try to be, there are variations between locations. This is certainly true for the Best local grocery store category. It’s really impossible for most people to take a holistic view of a chain grocer in the region, given its relatively large footprint. Votes become more like guesses based on a reader’s personal experience.

Not only would it be more accurate, but it would also be more useful and interesting to ask people what is the best individual local grocery store. It would give The Fresh Market a chance to take the first place in the category, and it could wake people up to the splendor that is the Slingerland’s Price Chopper or their store on Central and New Karner. Hannaford could take it with their Latham store. It’s anyone’s ballgame.

This logic should hold true for EVERY CATEGORY. Best individual drug store/pharmacy, best individual pizza place, etcetera.

Will it be harder for our larger local chains to win than in years past? Sure. But it will also make it harder for places like Pizza Hut, whose mere presence on the list of Best pizza is insulting for a region where the standard for pizza is higher than most of the country. It should also give a better chance to smaller places that make truly amazing pizza, like DeFazio’s and Pizza King.

2) The Categories Themselves

When this survey started 15 years ago, I understand that the Capital Region was a very different place. Perhaps there weren’t a lot of ethnic restaurants and it made a lot of sense to try and group them by their geographic region.

But categories like Best Chinese/Japanese/Korean restaurant and Best Indonesian/Thai/Vietnamese restaurant have to go. As one of my readers succinctly put it, “They are embarrassing and make us look like hillbillies standing next to the outhouse with a straw between our teeth.”

We have a glut of sushi and teppanyaki restaurants, which could easily fall in two category, but at the very least need to be extracted from Chinese and Korean cuisines. We have plenty of restaurants that offer exclusively Chinese food, which should absolutely have its own category. Yes, there are still some places that offer a little bit of both. For those I would suggest an umbrella Best Pan Asian for beloved institutions like Ichiban, which continue to serve both Chinese and Japanese cuisine.

Another ethnocentric question on the poll asks readers to vote on the best ethnic market. All the responses are Italian. We have an amazing variety of South Asian, East Asian, African, and Latin markets in the region. This may need to be broken up into two categories as well: Best Italian market and Best ethnic market.

Then there are the things that are unique to our region that are completely missing from this list. We are in the heart of apple country, and there is no question about Best apple orchard? The Capital Region also has a unique style of hot dog, the three-inch wiener with the works, and a Best mini-hot dog with meat sauce category would help to draw attention to this regional specialty. The same holds true for Best fish-fry sandwich.

At the end of this letter I’ve attached a list of categories that has been revised to reflect the above.

3) Best versus Favorite

There is a fine line between the things someone might like the most (aka their favorite) and what they know achieves a higher standard (aka the best).

For example, my favorite local bakery is Crisan. I love them because they are committed to using high quality ingredients, it’s conveniently located, they accommodate last minute orders, their baking skills are excellent, they offer a great product at an outstanding value, and I enjoy chatting with the staff. Crisan may make the best pastry in Albany, but it is not the best bakery in the area.

That is Mrs. London’s. Their croissants are the best I’ve had anywhere, and they also bake some killer bread. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s out of the way. Sure, it’s a little precious inside. But it’s the best.

I believe that your readers can make these distinctions themselves if they are reminded at the beginning of the poll that the Times Union isn’t looking for their favorites, but rather their thoughts on which individual location is truly the best. It may not be the place they go every day. Likely it is not. It may be the place where one goes for special occasions.  The best place may even be the one that is just a little bit better than your favorite spot, it’s just a bit off the beaten path.

In some ways, this last bit is a matter of semantics. In other ways it’s the one thing that gets to the heart of the issue. Very few people would say that Subway makes the best sandwiches if they sat down and thought about the difference between The Best and their favorite. Subway may have the best value, it may have the best speed of service, or it might be the most convenient. But I refuse to believe that a plurality of your readers cannot recognize there are better sandwiches in the area.

As you retool the Best of the Capital Region ballot for 2012, please consider the above suggestions. I look forward to the day when the picture painted by the major Albany newspaper matches the Albany I’ve come to know and love, and getting this ballot right is the first step in that direction.

Sincerely,
Daniel Berman
and the undersigned
————————————————————————————————————
Note: That means if you agree, please say so in the comments below.
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What does it matter what Cheryl Clark says about a restaurant, or Ruth Fantasia, or Steve Barnes? They are just individuals. Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, one can call upon Yelp, Urban Spoon, Trip Advisor, Open Table, or simply Google a restaurant to read countless reviews and see how it stacks up.

These online reviews capture multiple dining experiences over many nights from many different perspectives. The information that can be gleaned from these sources is invaluable. Sure, sometimes there may be conflicting reports, but when you find a place that is almost unanimously loved, you know it’s a winner.

Like when you search for the highest rated sandwich under the Delis category Cardona’s Market pops up to the top of the list with 4.5 stars on 36 reviews. That’s phenomenal, and even if your heart belongs to another Italian deli, surely you can agree that Cardona’s is indeed one of the best sandwich makers in the Capital District.

But the newspaper does indeed matter. It matters a lot. Especially when it conducts a broad poll of our populace and makes pronouncements about what things are The Best of The Capital Region. You know, like Subway.

Every year this survey kills me. Instead of instilling a sense of pride, the results widely elicit a feeling of shame. This year I’m being proactive, and I’d like your help.

You may be wondering, what’s the big deal? The poll is simply a popularity contest. Of course Subway would win. There are more of them than any other sandwich shop, so naturally they will get more votes.

Here’s the problem.

This poll affects not only how the region sees itself, but also how those outside the region see us. When people consider relocating to the area or take the next step and move here, among other things, this annual poll is a resource for information. Even established residents use the results to help them make purchasing decisions. This is why businesses campaign for votes and try to maintain their reputation as The Best Whatever in the Capital Region.

For the past several years the poll results have not painted a flattering picture of the region. And frankly, it infuriates me. The area may not be the most cosmopolitan in the country, but a lot of our best stuff is never recognized by the survey.

And I’m starting to realize that part of the problem is the ballot itself.

Take Chinese restaurants for example. Ala Shanghai does not even get a mention in the Times Union poll despite being far and away the most highly rated Chinese restaurant on Yelp with 4.5 stars on 49 reviews. Why? Well, because it is competing in a category called, Best Chinese/Japanese/Korean restaurant and we happen to live in a place that loves its teppanyaki.

We actually have a handful of decent Chinese restaurants, which include Shining Rainbow, CCK, Hong Kong Bakery, Taiwan Noodle and Emperor’s. Don’t even dare try to tell me that Tai Pan in Clifton Park should be on that list. But that’s beside the point.

What we don’t have is a ton of Indonesian or Vietnamese restaurants. Still, that’s no excuse to merge these separate and distinct regional cuisines with Thai to form the dreaded Best Indonesian / Thai / Vietnamese restaurant category. Kinnarree, which I believe to be the best Thai in the area, doesn’t even get mentioned, since it’s squeezed out by the fine dining Indonesian restaurant Yono’s.

And those are only some of the worst offenders, I could go on.

Other categories could be made more specific in order to hone in on local businesses that are truly special and less on generic chains that mar our culinary landscape. Take the Best Sandwich category for example. If that were changed to Best Italian Deli (of which there are countless in the region) Subway would fall off the list, and we might be treated to a sampling of truly delicious sandwich choices.

This isn’t just about complaining. Did I mention that I have a plan?

Don’t tell anyone, but I did a little digging and found out that Michael Janairo at the Times Union is responsible for putting together the poll this year. And he has asked me for my thoughts and suggestions in writing so that they can be shared with the team over there.

But I want you involved. Yes, you. Last year, I took on a similar campaign a bit further downstream, and did not get your input early on. That was a mistake. In the months ahead, I’m going to ask for your support in pushing this agenda forward, and am looking forward to many conversations about what places are truly the best in the region.

For now, please tell me what else you think can be done to improve the survey. Be as specific as you wish. With your input I will cobble together an open letter to the Times Union that I hope I can get many of you to sign (or at least leave a comment with your support). We may or may not be able to get the changes on the ballot, but it’s a worthwhile effort to try.

You can see the results of last year’s Best of the Capital Region here. The section that pertains to dining is here. Although there are some food related entries in the goods and services section too.

The categories that really concern us are:
1)    Best local grocery store
2)    Best wine store
3)    Best beer store
4)    Best bakery
5)    Best ethnic market
6)    Best farmers market
7)    Best health food store (single location)
8)    Best restaurant to open in the past year
9)    Best restaurant for kids
10)  Best hamburger
11)   Best pizza
12)  Best sandwich shop
13)  Best Chinese/Japanese/Korean restaurant
14)  Best Indonesian/Thai/Vietnamese restaurant
15)  Best Indian/Pakistani restaurant
16)  Best Mexican/Central/South American restaurant
17)  Best Italian restaurant
18)  Best ice cream
19)  Best hot dogs
20)  Best sports bar
21)  Best coffee joint (single location)
22)  Best diner

I have some very strong feelings for improving most of these. And there are notable categories that are conspicuously absent. Seriously, how can there be no Best fish fry? And it’s absolutely criminal that there is no category for Best apple orchard.

You’ve seen a few of my thoughts above. Now it’s time to add your own below, or forever hold your peace.

Instead I’m going to jump head first into the first of the Fussy Little Round-ups of 2011.

I write a lot of original posts. What’s interesting is that I never know which ones are going to capture people’s imaginations and which ones are going to fall flat. There are lots of reasons why some posts can underperform, and this is the last chance the laggards will get to see the light of day. Because after this, they’ll be sealed away in the catacombs with dear old Fortunato.

Although sometimes there are common themes and conclusions that can be drawn by looking at a year’s worth of posts. This year, there is one unavoidable conclusion.

Wine is a real non-starter.

That’s not entirely true. There were some wine posts that did reasonably well. The ones that outperformed the rest were the ones where I was holding local businesses feet to the fire. Also wine posts were better read when I compared juice to suds.

I understand why more people aren’t reading my wine posts. But I just thought Bacon Flambé and Gold Lamé was inspired. Maybe there aren’t enough fans of They Might Be Giants who are also fans of bacon being set on fire with booze and brown sugar. Anything is possible.

Still a full third of the 12 least read posts from the past year are about wine.

One was a Father’s Day note to my dad, which involved the remembrance of a delicious wine we shared at a very special dinner in San Francisco. Now whenever I see this bottle, I cannot help but to think of my father, and that great time we shared at a quiet table many years ago.

A second was a bit about wine preservation and what happens to wine as it is left open, or when a partial bottle is stored for another day. Perhaps there was just too much going on in the post. Perhaps nobody really cares about how bad most wine by the glass can be. As I mention in the post, the safest bet is always a glass of sparkling wine.

The third from back in February was when I wrote about finishing the case of wine we put down for ten years, and the desire to get another one. Now it’s almost February again. The very fact that I haven’t moved on this project myself, should be a clear indication that it’s not something that would be of interest to most people. Don’t let my lack of forward progress stop you. It’s still a good idea.

The fourth is about how wine festivals can be overwhelming. It’s fun to have the opportunity to taste lots of different wines in one place. But how can you make it a useful learning experience instead of just a frenzied bacchanal? Well, I had some ideas. Not that I didn’t require a driver to take me home from the festival, because I did. I’m nothing if not safe and responsible. It’s times like these that I wish I could drink wine without any of its intoxicating effects.

Nobody is looking at blogs on Thanksgiving. I hesitate to even include this post in the dirty dozen because it’s not entirely original content. But it is a Thanksgiving tradition on the FLB which will not stop just because it doesn’t get a lot of eyeballs. But could you imagine if the OWS folks could use the charm and wit of this amazing protest singer from the 1960s?

Two posts were about my thoughts on specific pieces of produce.

One was peaches. Specifically local peaches that aren’t grown using organic protocols. Did you know that conventionally grown peaches carry one of the heaviest pesticide loads of any crop in the grocery store. It’s a scary list of chemicals. But all the same, for the first time in a long time, I found myself buying and enjoying non-organic peaches last summer. Here’s the full story.

The other was tomatoes. Just last night I avoided a BLT because there is no way I’m going to eat a tomato in December. Blech. But there are some good ways to make the tomatoes of fall enjoyable. And back in late September I did just that. It’s a long time until July rolls around. But the new crop of fresh, ripe tomatoes will hopefully be glorious. Until then, there should be no caprese salads unless you happen to find yourself somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere.

It wasn’t surprising that you all weren’t more enthusiastic to learn about the free tickets I got to attend a local food and wine festival. I’m sure that would have been different if I had bonus tickets to give away. But I try not to look my gift horses in their proverbial mouths. I hope you understand.

I also wasn’t too surprised that more people weren’t interested in watching live streaming video of baristas making espresso. Admittedly I’m a bit of a geek about these things, and I find this to be highly compelling viewing. Much more so than golf. Maybe one day the world’s best barista will get Tiger Woods sized sponsorship deals. Dare to dream.

But I am perplexed as to why these final two spirits posts didn’t do better.

One was about the benefits of shopping in a liquor store that doesn’t sell crap. No seriously, even their bottom shelf stuff was solid and completely unimpeachable. The upside is that if there is a mid-priced bottle on the shelf that you are unsure about, you can trust that it will be good.

The other was all about muddling. Maybe the post itself was a bit muddled. Perhaps it was too wide ranging a topic to try and squeeze into one post. I’m not really sure. But a lot of popular cocktails these days call for muddling, and everyone should know how to do it. Although in truth, I find it’s too much hassle and generally go for cocktails with less labor.

So, lesson learned. I’ll go into 2012 appropriately humbled, and will try to do better next year. I’ll try to have less of the bad and more of the good. What was good? Well, we’ll get to that shortly.

Think about this: If a tub of movie popcorn is the same fat and calorie load of three Big Macs, then getting one Big Mac can’t be that bad. It would seem as if the well-intentioned people at the Center of Science in the Public Interest have finally begun to understand this relationship.

Mrs. Fussy and I received a solicitation from them in the mail. The envelope included a sheet, which on one side has a list of ten offensive food items, and on the other a list of ten “better alternatives”. This time around, none of the offenders were compared to a multiple of big macs. However the Oh Fudge! Shake from Cold Stone Creamery was colorfully described as, “the saturated fat content of two 16-oz T-bone steaks plus a buttered baked potato all blended into a handy 24 oz cup.”

In theory I should love these guys. They are fighting the good fight about over processed junk foods and out of control portion sizes, all in the service of getting Americans to eat better. But in practice, I can’t stand them. This mailer just goes to reinforce this fact. And it’s not just because they named Chipotle as one of the worst of the worst.

Although that is a part of it. To add insult to injury they compared Chipotle’s chicken burrito to Subway’s 6-inch BLT Classic. It’s blasphemous, and it’s wrong on multiple levels, which I’ll get to in just a minute.

Right now, I want tell you what is on this otherwise sensible list of terrible foods.

1)    Marie Callender’s Chicken Pot Pie
2)    Olive Garden’s Tour of Italy
3)    Campbell’s Condensed soup
4)    Chipotle Chicken Burrito
5)    The Cheesecake Factory’s Chocolate Tower Truffle Cake
6)    Pillsbury Grands! Cinnabon Cinnamon Rolls with Icing
7)    Land O’Lakes Margarine
8)    Starbucks Venti White Chocolate Mocha
9)    Haagen-Dazs Ice Cream
10)  Cold Stone Creamery’s Oh Fudge! Shake

Processed foods are filled with sodium. Margarine and Pillsbury rolls are filled with trans fat. A giant 12-ounce slice of cake that’s half a foot tall is bad for you. Drinking a coffee filled with fat and sugar and topped with more fat isn’t a good idea.

I get it. Don’t eat like an a-hole.

And when you load up a Chipotle burrito with cheese and sour cream, it’s going to be just as bad for you as when you load up a baked potato with cheese and sour cream. Just because they have it there doesn’t mean you have to eat it.

Frankly, that’s why the chicken burrito made the list. Because of cheese and sour cream. Their cheese isn’t even all that tasty. Sure, it’s made from the milk of cows that weren’t treated with rBGH. It’s shredded daily from blocks of cheese in house, so it doesn’t need any anti-caking agents. But I’ve never felt it added much to a burrito. And while sour cream is certainly decadent, I only get it when I’m in the mood to cut the heat of their spiciest salsa.

So yes, should you get a chicken burrito with pintos, cheese, sour cream and fresh tomato salsa, you end up with something that has 970 calories, 17.5 grams (CSPI rounds up to 18 grams) of saturated fat and 2,200 mg of sodium.

Apparently that is similar to the fat and calories of THREE six-inch BLT Classic Subs at Subway. Except the stuff at Subway barely qualifies as food, while Chipotle uses better quality ingredients than most fancy restaurants.

Now leave out the high fat dairy, substitute vegetarian black beans for the bacon enriched pintos, and add the lower sodium green tomatillo salsa (which happens to be tastier too), and suddenly that burrito shrinks to 745 calories, 5.5 grams of saturated fat and 1,670 mg of sodium.

Is it health food? No.
Is it wholesome food? I would argue yes.

I don’t want to belabor sodium guidelines. Eating out involves a lot of salt. From what I’ve seen, it would seem that people 2-51 without other risk factors, can safely consume up to 2,300 mg of sodium per day.

If you want to lower the sodium content of your Chipotle meal further you can go the taco route with their soft corn tortillas. Three of them filled with steak, black beans and red tomatillo salsa have only 530 calories, 2 grams of saturated fat and 1,155 mg of sodium.

But all of this Chipotle stuff is beside the point.

Because when you turn the page of the sheet to find out what the “better alternatives” are to these vilified foods for people who eat like a-holes, you are treated to the following list of not so much foods as ingredients: Sweet potatoes, mangoes, unsweetened Greek yogurt, broccoli, wild salmon, crispbreads (like Wasa or Ryvita), garbanzo beans, watermelon, butternut squash, and leafy greens.

Oh really? Fruits and vegetables are good for me? I never knew.
Jerks. This organization is just a pack of kneebiters. I’m serious.

Sure, some of their findings are interesting, and maybe even helpful for those people who don’t have the time or inclination to read labels. Like the Marie Callender’s Chicken Pot Pie, which has a label on the box declaring its 520 calories, 11 grams of saturated fat and 800 mg of sodium. What the box makes less clear is that these figures are for one serving, and the individual pot pie is actually two servings.

But the Center for Science in the Public Interest doesn’t seem to acknowledge there is a place in our lives for indulgence. Yes, people should probably not have a venti white chocolate mocha everyday. I’d argue they shouldn’t have one at all on the grounds of the white chocolate alone. But if you want a coffee that is sweet and fatty, you probably know it is sweet and fatty. And it will be no surprise to learn that enough sweet and fatty coffees will probably just make you fatty.

Just like it’s no surprise that even though Subway has items that are low in fat and calories, it also has footlong sandwiches like the Chicken and Bacon Ranch Melt. And without even picking it apart to see how nasty the ingredients are that go inside of that monstrosity, it measures in at 1,140 calories, 20.2 grams of saturated fat and 2,170 mg of sodium. Yet somehow this disgusting chemistry experiment gone wrong didn’t quite find its way onto the CSPI’s list.

Here’s the bottom line, stolen once again from Michael Pollan. “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” And forget about all these numbers. Because there is a middle ground between eating like an A-hole and eating like a monk. And these people seem to entirely miss the point.

I take full responsibility for the confusion. We’ll get it all cleared up in a moment. But first, let’s go back and recall what Mr. Dave wrote:

I think you are putting some of your best content onto All over Albany, which is great. But I think you are going to get more people to read AoA as opposed to this blog. Is this out of a sense of Altruism?

First, I’m flattered. Second, no. It would be nice in the spirit of the holidays to think that I was doing something purely out of the goodness of my own heart. But my motives are entirely selfish, and I’m happy to lay them out.

Would you believe, I do it for the money?

Before we get into the specifics, I need to make sure everyone is clear on the ten thousand foot view. Because I write on a few platforms, and each one has its purpose.

Yelp is where I started seriously writing about Albany food and I’ll always consider myself a Yelper. Yes, it has its drawbacks, but I love how it aggregates reviews, so unlike the Chow boards there is no bickering back and forth, and users can easily synthesize the ratings to get actionable information.

Sadly my Yelp activity has taken a backseat to the FLB and AOA. But it’s always on my mind, and I continually beat myself up for not posting there more. I do consider all the reviews I’ve written on the site to be my official stance on those restaurants and businesses.

The FLB was born when I wanted to write about restaurants beyond the confines of a Yelp review. How can you review a restaurant you won’t set food in because their menu looks so awful? You can’t. But you can blog about it. So I do.

Here’s what may be the missing link.

I endeavor to make everything I write on the FLB relevant to people living beyond the Capital Region. This doesn’t always succeed. Most of the stories are rooted in the area, but the implications generally apply more broadly.

Bullshit, you say? Well, let’s quickly review to see how I’ve done over the past several posts:

More Tasty Vittles from Rolf’s – Would heirloom bacon win in a blind tasting?
Eating Seasonally: Entering Winter – Cold weather cooking ideas.
Prime Potatoes – Reiterates the importance of local farms being on the menu.
Scones – What makes them bad and what makes them worth the calories.
Food Gifts – Some ideas about what to get the food lover for Christmas.
Good Food Need Not Be Expensive – And vice versa: Better alternatives to Arby’s.
Employee Education – Maybe it’s a bad idea to let your staff talk to customers.
Coffee Gifts – Do not get a K-Cup machine for anyone who loves coffee.

The tours are the only things that come to mind that have little resonance beyond the area. And I would hope even those might get readers elsewhere to consider their regional culinary specialties, and possibly inspire a tour of their own.

All Over Albany opens up a lot of possibilities for me.

In some ways it’s like a Yelp review on happy pills for only the best things in the region. And that has an appeal. It’s great to have a chance to write something nice that restaurant owners will want to print up and hang on the wall, like the piece I did on Peter Pause’s eggplant sandwich.

AOA also isn’t a food blog. It’s a general interest local website. And as a result it is not populated by likeminded food lovers. While you and I may not agree on every matter of taste, if you are here reading this, it’s likely that food plays a more central role in your life than that of the average citizen. Not that AOA is read by the average citizen. Their readers are smarter, better looking, and tend to wear glasses.

The benefit of writing food stuff for this audience is that I have a better chance of not preaching to the choir. And that is inherently appealing.

Now, it’s not surprising that Mr. Dave prefers my AOA posts. They are written in the very positive tone of the site, generally feature small local businesses, and on the whole are a booster for the region. They also all have pretty pictures.

It’s also not surprising that they are actually better too.

My pieces for AOA are reviewed and copyedited by an actual professional journalist. And he’s tough. Nice, but tough. And I want to do well by him. Not just because he pays me. But because he’s tough, and any praise I get from him is really significant. So I give those posts a little bit more attention than my daily diatribes on the FLB. Plus working with a professional pushes me to get better and better. Hopefully, some of those improvements spill into my writing here.

And AOA is just great. The site was a ray of light to me when I was a new arrival in this strange land. I’m thrilled to be a contributor, and I’m glad my work is well received.

Now I just need to find time to catch up on my Yelp reviews.

I have been very lucky in that I’ve been able to eat some stunning meals in some amazing restaurants. A few highlights include places overseen by Thomas Keller, Michael Mina, Wolfgang Puck and David Bouley. There are countless others in the country and around the world that I would like to visit, but like most everyone else I’m constrained by time and money.

But never have I had a perfect meal.

Even among the highest of high end restaurants, something is always a bit off. Maybe the entrée wasn’t quite as exciting as the appetizer or dessert. Or the dessert menu didn’t quite measure up to the refinement of the rest of the meal. It could be as simple as a clunky wine glass. More complicated problems involve the unique interplay of personalities and the relationship between waiter and diner. Once upstairs at Chez Panisse the waitress killed a small spider on our table… and left it there.

As it turns out, a perfect meal is never the point.

For that matter, neither is the perfect dish. Although over the years I have indeed encountered a good many of these. Plates where every element comes together, it is a feast for all the senses, and not a single thing could be improved upon or changed in any way. Yes, they are rare. But they do exist.

Most of the time, there is always something that could be at least a little bit better. A detail that’s been overlooked or an element on the plate that just doesn’t work as well. These lapses are not lost on me.

If I were looking for the perfect meal, I would probably have stopped dining out years ago. The frustration would be just too great to bear. But I’m not. I’m looking for a memorable meal. I’m looking to taste a chef’s skill. I want to experience their vision of what good food should be. I want to eat things that I cannot prepare in my home kitchen made from ingredients that are reserved for chefs and restaurants.

Chefs are human. They make mistakes.
On some level, taste is subjective.

The weak link on one visit to Chez Panisse was the lamb chop. Inevitably it was the best quality lamb chop one could find that week in Northern California, given that farmers have been known to hand deliver the best animal from their herds to Alice directly. I have no doubt about this at all. I’m glad I was able to try it. But the kitchen’s simple preparation to honor the glory of the lamb just left me flat. It was an amazing meal, and one that I think fully and accurately gave me a sense of what the restaurant was about. It wasn’t perfect, and there was certainly room for improvement. But I think fondly of the experience, and recall with delight the highlights from that dinner.

Many of my favorite meals have been far from perfect. Now it may just be a game of semantics, but I see a clear divide between favorite and best.

Maybe someday in my life I will stumble upon the perfect meal when I least expect it. If it happens it happens, but things like this can’t be forced. Chasing a perfect dining experience will only lead to unhappiness and disappointment.

Until then, I’ll continue to enjoy some interesting dining experiences, while I fastidiously note all the things that could make them better.