Every Day is Donut Day

My first San Francisco advertising job was with a small agency that specialized in health and natural foods. It was a crash course in spirulina, homeopathy, supplements, sprouted wheat breads, organics, rice milk, and vitamin packs.

But I had just moved from Philly by way of Miami (which at the time I considered the sixth borough of New York). And I had yet to shed my East Coast habits despite being immersed in West Coast culture.

So one morning when I was eating breakfast at my desk I was surprised by my co-worker’s surprise. She pointed to my breakfast and said, “What’s that?!” Well, I was still relatively new at the agency, and thought for a moment that it was verboten to eat beyond the confines of the agency kitchen.

Nope. That wasn’t it. I realized she was looking upon my choice of breakfast with horror and maybe just a twinge of revulsion. The funny thing was there were only two things on my desk, and her repugnance wasn’t directed at my coffee.

I can’t remember what kind of donut I was enjoying with my morning coffee. But it was probably a chocolate frosted or a simple glazed.

A little bit of fat, sugar, and refined white flour combined with the full throttle caffeine of a large coffee were exactly what I needed to get moving in those mornings of my early twenties. The two things work together perfectly: the acid and bitterness of the coffee balance out the fat and sugar of the donut. And even if you crash from the sugar and carbs, you’ve still got more coffee to keep you plugging.

Better living through chemistry.

Of course I mention all of this because today is apparently National Donut Day. It’s probably National Doughnut Day, but I’m campaigning for a modernized and simplified spelling of the word.

The last thing our country needs is a National Donut Day. I’m sure there’s a National Kale Day and there’s probably a National Meat-Free Day. But I shudder to think how many donuts are consumed in America on an average day. Do we really need to increase that number on the first Friday of June? At a time when swimsuit season is just around the corner?

Side note: I’ve got to stop eating like a jerk.

As time marched on and I learned more about food, I now have a better understanding about why my former colleague was so taken aback by my weekday donut breakfast.

Donuts are terrible for you.

Of course, some are worse for you than others. I’m thinking back to the science experiment that is the current production line at Dunkin’ Donuts. And it galls me that I can remember back to the day when each location had its own baker who rolled out the dough and really did have to work in the wee hours of the morning to make the donuts.

It wasn’t just a marketing fantasy either. I knew one of them. When my friends and I were in high school, he would buy us booze. He was awesome.

But as bad as they are for my cardiovascular health, I love those little buggers. The trick is to just make sure than when you indulge, it’s for something special. Locally that would be the glazed donuts at The Cookie Factory, the Boston cream and cake donuts at Bella Napoli, and the apple cider donuts at either Indian Ladder or Golden Harvest.

I’ve never tried the beignets at All Good Bakers. But the warm loukoumades at the Greek festival are pretty darn special. Maybe there’s a place around here to get hot zeppole dusted in powdered sugar. And while none of these are actual donuts per se, they still scratch the same itch, and I love them to pieces.

It’s not that I have a sweet tooth. It’s that I have a fat tooth. Pretty much if you take anything and deep fat fry it to a golden brown, I’ll come running.

Clearly, I’m some evolutionary dead end.

Truthfully, even bad donuts aren’t terrible. They can still be rich and sweet. But on today of all days I implore you to not settle for an inferior specimen. It’s okay to politely demure from a generous offer of a free supermarket donut, or one from the big national chains. If you are going to indulge, you should make it count.

The apple orchards are really out in the country. But Latham and Troy are easily reached by most people. So you’ve got no excuses. Especially on a holiday.