AskTP – Counting Down

It’s getting real. We’ve got a tenant for the house. We’ve put a deposit down on some storage space. We’ve booked the moving van. And we’re starting to put things in boxes.

At the end of July, we’re heading off on our next adventure in Princeton. But come next July we’ll be back. Still, that means only three more installments of Eat This on All Over Albany before I leave. And similarly only three* more editions of Ask the Profussor after today.

For anyone who may be new to the FUSSYlittleBLOG, Ask the Profussor is a regular feature where every other week I assemble the questions from the comments section of the blog and answer them all in one fell swoop. My commitment to readers of the FLB is that all questions will get the answers they deserve. That doesn’t mean they’ll be timely. It doesn’t even guarantee they’ll be correct. But dammit, they’ll be answers.

Now without further ado, onto the questions.

WrigsMac is concerned about the global pork market and for good reason:
So here’s a question for your next AskTP: Just saw on Reuters this morning that China’s Shuanghui is looking to buy out Smithfield in order to better their image and export more US pork to China. Number 1 – how sad is it that Smithfield could improve another companies reputation? And number 2 – Do you think like the substandard treatment of pigs in China is going to worsen the already deplorable conditions of US pigs if a Chinese food processor takes over Smithfield?

Did you say deplorable conditions of US pigs? Because you ought to see the pigs in China. Did you hear about the 16,000 dead diseased pigs that were found in the Huangpu river on their way into Shanghai? It’s no joke. Because the government started cracking down on the sale of diseased pigs for meat, farmers dumped them into the river.

So, yes. Smithfield could improve the reputation of China’s pork producers. But no, I don’t think the door is going to swing the other way. Mostly because there is at least some pretense of regulation here in the U.S. And our pork producers have been inching along in a more humane direction.

Mr. Dave has fond memories of television commercials from the 80s too:
Has anyone made a douche reference (oh, I’m being crude… “feminine wash” reference) about your title yet?

Nope. You were the first. Thank you for stepping up and saying what had to be said. For me it works the other way around too. When someone crassly describes a person as a douche, I think they must be comparing them to a summer’s eve. Didn’t Shakespeare write a sonnet about that or something?

Burnt My Fingers has some explaining to do:
Are you going to tweet as you reach the milestones? We have a baseball game that day but if timing works out we could rubberneck at Eugenio’s.

Yes. We totally tweeted the milestones and no Burnt My Fingers. But while we’re on the topic of Saratogians and Eugenio’s, why didn’t anyone tell us Eugenio’s was no good? I later talked to Skidmore grads who asked why on Earth we went all the way up to Saratoga for that. And I couldn’t agree more. Meh.

Burnt My Fingers wants me to explain the rules to which I subject my children:
My question is, how do you keep track of everbody’s bites? Do you have a whiteboard on the wall in the dining room? A SmartBoard®? A laptop running Excel (with a plastic cover to keep the food spills out)? Also, Fussy, you are not a young man. I’ll stipulate, charitably, that you are 35. That means you must eat 35 bites of black beans, 35 bites of rice and 35 bites of sweet potato to get to that scoop of ice cream which you could not possibly ingest at this point. Where do you put it all? Or do you have a double standard/sliding scale which is more forgiving for you and Mrs. Fussy?

There are only two kids. I’ve got eyes. I know how much food I put on their plates. I know how large their utensils are. And I have a pretty good sense of the volume their mouths can hold. But for the most part we go by the honor system, which is then double checked by common sense.

As far as the adults at the table there is absolutely a double standard. We take as much of everything as we want, and then we eat everything that we take. Waste is frowned upon in our household. Especially when an animal had to die for our pleasure and nutrition.

My kids have it rough. But you would be hard pressed to find very many kids that are served better scrambled eggs or grilled cheese sandwiches.

Stefan tried out my cocktail with no name that I pegged the Afro-Cuban:
I was about to make one (mainly because I am out of vodka but have a full bottle of rum) but I wanted to check the internets to see if it was a real drink, or any good. After reading this, I will definitely try it. Might I suggest the name of Black Caribbean? It pays homage to the original I feel.

He’s got a good point.

Michaeline probably wasn’t trying to give me an embolism:
Daniel, why don’t you donate your items to the local Ronald McDonald House? I’m quite sure they would find a use for them!

This isn’t meant to diminish the work of the Ronald McDonald House in any way. They do good work and help people. I get that.

I’ve got three words for you: cause related marketing.

If McDonald’s really wanted to help people and give their money to help others, they would just do it without involving their logo or mascot. But this is publicity. And it’s good publicity for a brand that has a lot of nasty side effects on society. There are plenty of charities out there that I would happily donate my stuff to help out, and I’ve been doing a whole lot of that lately. But the Ronald McDonald House isn’t one of them.

Doug called me out and publicly shamed me for something I cannot defend:
Dull knives, Mr. B? Shame… Still, knives are a personal thing, and I’d vote for their making the trip.

I know. Maybe now that the kids are older I’ll have more time to take care of my cutlery.

KB @ Home-Baked Happiness isn’t going to the first All Good Bakers dinner:
I hate not knowing anything at all about what I’ll be eating at a restaurant. But I’m fine with a rough idea, a sample menu, so I have some rough idea about the emphasis of what might be served (Italian? sushi? organ meats?), what courses and what the prices might be. I suppose the guinea pigs can offer that to the rest of us after the first of these events.

Good restaurants have a clear sense of purpose and a consistent approach to food. When I was dining regularly at Postrio in San Francisco that approach eventually became tiresome. The food there, whether it was the carpaccio, the duck breast with hazelnuts, or the reconstructed pie, all had an elegant simplicity that was elevated by impeccable plating, layers of flavor and classic techniques. Similarly I know the food that Nick puts out at AGB. It’s vibrant and colorful, where good seasonal ingredients take center stage.

Far too many places in the Capital Region are all over the map. Even a steak and seafood place like 677 Prime extends their menu to include the ubiquitous chicken parm. Chinese and Thai restaurants can’t seem to resist putting sushi on their menu. And I challenge you to open up the menu at Sage Bistro and tell me what kind of food they serve there.

But I’m happy to be your guinea pig, just so long as you don’t stuff me in an empanada and eat me.

Burnt My Fingers isn’t just another prolific commenter, he’s also a fellow advertising guy:
You were probably expecting me to say something about the ad agency analogy? Clients who expect the “creatives” to simply execute their “vision” (hate that piece of jargon because what they have is the opposite of vision) are the least favorite clients and get the worst work. Can a comparison be made to Cap District diners who expect to be addressed a certain way by the waitstaff, served food prepared a certain way, and leave with a doggie bag the size of a bichon frise?

It occurred to me that you might. But I try to keep my expectations to a minimum. But I do think a comparison can be made between bad clients and bad diners. Both get what they deserve. The only problem is that when there are enough of them, we all suffer. Either through the noise pollution of bad advertising that proliferates in our lives, or the lackluster dining options available when people demand the very worst.

Jenh718 may have conveniently forgotten one very important detail:
A doughnut post without mention of King’s Doughnuts in Cambridge? If Golden Harvest is local, so is King’s.

I have no doubt that King’s blows away anything else I’ve had in the region. They were left off not because of their distance, but because they are only open two days a week. That rounds down to never.

-R takes me to task for suggesting that there are no bad donuts:
Truthfully, bad donuts ARE terrible. Why is it that all flavors of Dunkin’ taste essentially the same? Plus, there’s that foul, rancid, bitter aftertaste that lingers on the back of the palate for hours afterward. I find it astonishing that people actually seem to enjoy these chemical concoctions, never mind the rest of their so-called ‘food’. Even if I’m jonesing for deep-fried dandies, I never succumb to Dunkin’. Never.

I don’t know why. Their dough is made out of three ingredients: Donut mix, water and yeast. Well, I guess if you want to get technical about it, the donut mix itself is made from seventeen ingredients. But I’m guessing they all taste the same because of the artificial flavor they use in their dough. They use artificial flavor in their dough? I guess it’s to cover up the taste of the defatted soy flour.

1. Enriched Flour (Wheat, Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Niacin, Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid)
2. Soybean Oil
3. Dextrose
4. Salt
5. Leavening (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Baking Soda)
6. Defatted Soy Flour
7. Maltodextrin
8. Wheat Starch
9. Mono and Diglycerides
10. Gums (Cellulose, Guar, Arabic, Carrageenan, Xanthan)
11. Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate
12. Soy Lecithin
13. Enzymes
14. Artificial Flavor
15. Annatto and Turmeric (Color)
16. Nonfat Milk
17. Egg

Yeah. Point well taken.

* That’s totally not true. Ask the Profussor will continue after I leave, as will the rest of the FLB. It’s just that there are only three more that will be written before we make the move.