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The Snob List

November 13, 2014
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Religion is awesome. One of the things I love about this ancient form of social control is that it shows those things that human beings have wanted to do for thousands of years.

We’ve always fought with our neighbors. We have always gossiped. We love to eat pigs.

This is just one reason why religious law and doctrine compel people to love your neighbor, shun gossiping, and vilify pork. The major world religions only command us not to do the things that otherwise we would do.

People have been coveting their neighbors’ possessions for thousands of years. Maybe, just maybe, these behaviors aren’t moral or ethical flaws. Perhaps they go deeper than that, and somehow are a part of our DNA. I’m not arguing that we shouldn’t try to manage our base impulses. But I do find it comforting to recognize that these seem to be part of the human condition.

Like for instance the classic biblical dictate, “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” Because I’m sure it’s no surprise to any of you that sometimes… I get just a wee bit judgy.

Believe it or not, most of the time I keep my judgments to myself. But I can’t be the only one who looks into other people’s grocery carts or checks out what the person in front of me in the checkout line has on the belt. For the record, I also love looking in people’s cabinets and in their refrigerators.

Yesterday, Kate posted a really funny video in response to the egg sandwich kerfuffle.

She did a great job. That final shot especially, where in slow motion she puts a last bite of the microwaved egg sandwich into her mouth. Gah. It’s going to haunt me in my nightmares.

Anyway, I’m fine being judged. Go ahead. Judge away. My only concern is being dismissed as a snob. To that end, I thought it would be helpful to clarify some of the things I’m actually concerned about, and others that I think are perfectly fine.

Some of these may be surprising, and if you like we can talk about them more at length.

Frozen foods: Love ’em
– We eat a ton of frozen vegetables during the winter
– I cook large batches of food, portion them out, and freeze for later use

Preservatives: Can’t make bacon without them
– The above is true, nitrate-free bacon is a lie
– That said, most food should have expiration dates

Food in boxes: Not a problem
– I buy packaged foods all the time
– This includes cans, although I try to limit those because of BPA

Big Mac: Probably not okay
– It’s been too long since I’ve had any beef at McDonald’s
– Really, I should give it another shot but I’m finicky about burgers

Real Housewives: Can’t be worse than any other TV
– I watched some Thursday night sitcoms for my Nielsen diary
– Now I remember why I don’t watch broadcast television

Beer IN cans: Love it
– Cans are a great way to keep light and air from spoiling your beer
– Sure, they have that BPA thing, but I’m not opposed to them in principle

Drinking beer FROM cans: Nope
– Unless the whole top of the can is removed and you can smell what you drink
– Most canned beer tastes like aluminum because your nose is smelling the can

Wine in boxes: Love it
– We almost always keep one around the house
– In fact, I have a special artillery case wine box from The 20 Wines

MSG: It’s not my enemy
– Its health concerns are overstated
– It’s a critical part of Sazon Completa (can’t cook Cuban without it)

Taylor Swift: Reminds me of Kristi Barlette
– I’d rather listen to her haters song than Anaconda
– Mostly I listen to deep tracks from old Talking Heads albums

Sprite: Not in my house
– High fructose corn syrup is not my friend
– Even “natural” flavor doesn’t approach the real thing

Marshall’s: Smart shopping if you have the time
– Shopping for clothes drives me crazy
– Paying retail for clothes seems crazy

Champagne coupe: Maybe for dessert
– Flutes are better vessels for bubbly wine
– Wide flat glasses like the classic coupe (and the dreaded cocktail glass) invite spills

Chicken nuggets: The kids love ‘em
– Last Friday I bought them a 20 pack for dinner
– If it’s any consolation, I know that I shouldn’t

Ketchup: It’s the great American sauce
– On rare occasions I’ll even put it on scrambled eggs
– But we only by the HFCS free versions for home

Hot dogs: A guilty pleasure
– Especially in NJ where they are deep fried
– I’d eat more of ’em if they were made from happier meat

Shots of booze: No way
– Drinking should be pleasurable, not a means to an end
– If you can’t stand the taste (even in a cocktail), don’t drink it

Donuts: One of my favorites
– Unless they come from Dunkin’
– Or are sold in a shelf stable box

This is only a partial list. I assure you it goes on and on and on. Perhaps that’s how I’ve been able to keep this daily food blog running for so long. I never run out of material. What I’m trying to show is that while I’m particular, I’d hardly describe myself as a snob. I just have strong feelings, and I’ll gladly argue my position on any issue with anyone who will listen. Occasionally, I get carried away and find myself arguing my position with people who have stopped listening a long time ago.

Yes, it’s hard to be me. It’s even harder being married to me. But somehow we make it work.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. November 13, 2014 10:51 am

    Campbells Cream of whatever soups
    -American bechamel

  2. Weenie Girl permalink
    November 13, 2014 9:50 pm

    I appreciate your judgmentiness. I don’t always agree with you but your arguments are always well thought out and are usually entertaining.

    Here’s something I came across. I’d love to know your opinion.
    http://lifehacker.com/go-ahead-and-use-soap-to-clean-your-cast-iron-pan-1658416503

    Here’s your question mark so you’ll recognize this as a question…?

  3. November 14, 2014 1:49 am

    I always appreciate your views. I don’t always agree. Sometimes too particular. Of all the adjectives that come to mind, snob is not one of them. There are times when I can see your strong opinions beig misconstrued as snobbish but I can’t say you’re a snob.
    As for being “a wee bit fussy”, I’ve never considered a shit-ton to be a wee bit. Then again, anybody willing to get his kids a 20 piece McNuggets for dinner can’t be all bad. It’s an American childhood experience. You have perfected being you. I’ll listen, most of the time.

  4. Billy permalink
    November 14, 2014 4:14 pm

    First, about Kate, she has impeccable comedic timing. Loved the video. It also doesn’t hurt that she’s damn cute. Judge that!

    Being non-judgmental is so incredibly overrated. Everyone makes many judgments everyday. It’s when someone negatively judges something we hold dear that instantly “judging” becomes uncool.

    As to the snob issue (I’m guilty of this myself). There are ways one can present one’s opinion so that one doesn’t come off as being a know-it-all. And I think that Daniel comes off as a know-it-all sometimes. Just look at the tagline of the website… “I know what is good.” Having said that, he’s doing something right, because many of us keep coming back here to hear what he has to say.

  5. November 20, 2014 11:44 am

    A can of Campbell’s tomato soup and sleeve of Ritz crackers about every 6 months.
    A jar of Fluff about once per year.

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