Nobody Puts Popcorn in the Soda

First things first. I’m still standing. The Tour de Burgers didn’t kill me. Not that I was all that nervous, but wait until you see the official pictures.

If you can’t wait, you might want to check out the blogs of a few of the people who made it out on the tour. They don’t have to wade through all the scoresheets, so some of the attendees may be able to get a recap up faster than I can. All told, there were fourteen of them! Which I have to say is a lot more than I was expecting, given the grand task of eating five roadside burgers in one afternoon.

Those blogs would be I Like Food, Under The Copper Tree, Jon in Albany, and Burnt My Fingers. And actually, I saw some pics were already up on Instagram.

In the leadup to the actual tour this past Saturday, there was a lot of discussion about food in general, and how elements of taste applied to classic burger builds. And in some of that follow up discussion, I think I hit on a radical insight. Go with me on this.

Balance. We were talking about balance. And there were some elements out there who suggested the acidity of a pickle brings the mouth filling fattiness of a great burger into balance.

This fact is not in contention.

A cold crisp, assertive pickle, served alongside a hot juicy burger is a great joy. My original complaint was about crappy pickles served on an otherwise solid burger, where they steam and wilt.

I don’t need to rehash it here. That’s the joy of writing on the internet. We has links.

Ever since then, this idea has been rattling around in my mind, and I’m trying to not just untangle it, but to help show those doubters into the light. So I was thinking about the ideas of culinary contrasts, where they work, where they don’t, and why.

Chocolate covered pretzels. Totally work. Sweet. Salty. Crunchy. Creamy. Each element plays off the others. The good things each component brings to the experience aren’t diminished by the others. It’s a study in harmony.

There are plenty of things like this. One of my favorites is vanilla ice cream drizzled with olive oil and a little bit of sea salt.

On the flip side, you’ve got popcorn and soda. Hot, salty, buttery popcorn is a natural foil to cold, sweet, and acidic soda. It’s a tremendous battle in your mouth between polar opposites. But where does that battle end, and what is the lingering flavor you want to have in your mouth?

The right answer here is soda. However, that’s not the point.

The point here is that nobody puts popcorn in the soda. That would be patently ridiculous. It would ruin both things. Who wants a sweet and salty Coke with soggy pieces of popcorn, and an oil slick of butterfat floating on the top? It’s absurd on its face.

Hopefully this helps to demonstrate how there are times when culinary contrasts work together as composed bites, and other times when those same contrasts work together but are best kept separate.

What I’m really curious about is how the people who still maintain that pickles should be served within the confines of a burger bun feel about Hawaiian pizza. You know, that’s pizza with ham and pineapples on top of the cheese and tomato sauce.

It’s probably one of the most reviled pizza combination toppings in existence.

So, if you’re team pickles on burgers, I’m going to guess that you are also pro pineapple on pizza. And if you aren’t, I’m really curious to find out why. And vice versa. If you eschew pickles on your burgers, I’m going to assume that you also don’t want hot baked pineapple on your otherwise savory pies. But if you feel differently, I’m very curious about how those diverging stances exist in the same universe.

Am I right, or am I right?