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Throw Into Can D

November 1, 2017

Five candy bags.
Two doorbell rings.
Three happy kids served.

If only I had known, we would have given each kid a pound of candy. Luckily, we have children in our lives. And an orthodontist who is buying back candy at $2 a pound. And there are always graduate students. They’ll eat anything.

But not everyone has easy access to starving students, so I shudder to think about the waste that holidays like Halloween produce.

Although, I’m not sure the candy is even fit for those toiling away in the halls of higher ed. Last night, I decided to sample some of the wares, and was horrified. Well, that might be too strong of a word, especially since there was an unexpected bit of good news.

Twix is no longer made with PGPR.

Of course, I probably should have realized that at the grocery store. Typically, I have a rule about reading the ingredients of the products I buy. But this year I found myself completely broken by the candy aisle.

Maybe the fights of the past had actually paid off? All of those years of complaining about the dreck that’s making it into our food may have resulted in some brands taking a little of the dreck out of their products.

Time to celebrate with a Twix bar…oh no. What have you done to Twix! You monsters!

My favorite part of this candy was the crunch of the cookie, and how the textures of the chewy caramel and the silky chocolate worked against each other. But the crunch is gone. Biting into the cookie today results in its quick disintegration into a pile of sandy crumbs.

To make sure it’s not just my imagination, I bring the young man of the house over to the candy bowl, and he confirms my findings.

Little Miss Fussy came home with a lot of Snickers bars. I didn’t buy any of those, because in the past they’ve been an awful temptation for Mrs. Fussy. In general, the missus is a mindful and healthful eater. But she can plow through a bag of Snickers bars like a wild boar.

It’s been a long time since I had a Snickers bar. Probably the last one I had was a year ago.

What the hell. What did they do to Snickers! The components are still the same. It’s chocolate, peanuts, nougat, and caramel. I can see them all in the cross section of the bite. But where did the flavor go? Where’s the crunch of the peanuts?

This just tastes like sweet. Gah!

Again, I have the young man of the house come over and confirm if this is just the false perception of an aging palate which didn’t have candy very often, or if this finding is legitimate. Again, he backs me up.

Kit-Kat, as expected, is still just waxy chocolate over crappy wafer cookies.

It’s all just so bad. But it couldn’t have always been this way. My goal isn’t to transform kids’ candy into a serious confection. However, the fun of the candy should come from the joy of the morsel, and not the printing of the packaging.

These aren’t treats. They are brands. Any pleasure the candy may have once brought, has been slowly stripped away. Now the only pleasure offered is that of a sugar delivery device. And that’s not what candy used to be.

It used to be delightful, dammit. From flavors, to textures, to unique combinations of ingredients. But when your Snickers bar that used to be packed with peanuts is lacking the assertive peanut flavor that defined it in the past, what’s the friggin point?

Screw it all. I think I may be moving over to team Butterfinger. It’s gross, sure. But it’s always been gross, and at least it’s still fun.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. llcwine permalink
    November 1, 2017 9:47 am

    Glad your findings were the same as mine…I’m thinking it may be Mounds bars and York patties….and that’s it…at least I’ll get dark chocolate in those.

  2. -R. permalink
    November 1, 2017 10:06 am

    We had one group of two children this year. They got either Almond Joy, Mounds or a Peppermint Patty. Since we know from past experience that there’ll be a lot of candy left over, we buy stuff we don’t mind finishing up. To be honest, an Almond Joy still holds up well to my childhood memories of them.

    • November 1, 2017 10:11 am

      I’m glad you brought up Almond Joy. Because today, there is just one sad and small almond in the middle of a thin coconut patty. In my mind the Almond Joy of the past had a plumper base and 100% more almonds. But I have no evidence to support this. Thoughts?

      • -R. permalink
        November 1, 2017 1:05 pm

        To the best of my recollection, the full size Almond Joy had only two fairly decent sized almonds, whereas the single ‘fun size’ had only a single albeit smaller almond. I guess the thing that struck me as I downed a couple of them last night was the freshness of the coconut filling and the better than mediocre quality of the dark chocolate. As far as sizing is concerned, I would agree that all candy has gotten smaller with regard to portion, but then again maybe that’s not such a bad thing here in the age of obesity. If only soft drinks would follow suit.

      • llcwine permalink
        November 2, 2017 9:04 am

        Candy perfection to me would be an Dark Chocolate Almond Joy…..sighhhhhhhh

  3. November 1, 2017 10:59 am

    The Kit-Kat cookie to chocolate ratio is off now too. Too much waxy chocolate. I don’t get it as sugar wafers are extremely cheap themselves. Why short on the sugar wafer?

  4. November 1, 2017 11:21 am

    We went with Take 5s this year, they were still pretty good, the salty pretzel balances out the sweet caramel. We did have some of the mini Reeces Peanut Butter cups that I bought for baking and those seemed to be a lot of chocolate and very little peanut butter filling.

  5. November 1, 2017 8:31 pm

    We had far fewer trick or tratersers this year and some other folks in Saratoga confirmed. We’re in an area which has traditionally be considered prime. Maybe it’s a decline in the appeal of free tooth decay, maybe it’s a new wariness in our society, hopefully not the latter.

    I do miss the clowns.

  6. albanylandlord permalink
    November 4, 2017 2:10 am

    I was surprised how bad the Snickers bar was. My theory is that on the miniscule not-so-fun size that the peanut ration was off, but the few that were in there still should have been crunchy and they weren’t.

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