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Halloweenie

October 25, 2018

How many of you wait until the last minute to do things? How many of you are planners?

It’s funny because pretty much my entire professional existence has involved planning. But in my heart of hearts I’m a procrastinator who saves things for the very last minute. I don’t quite know how to make sense of those two things. I guess I have the capacity to plan ahead, but only if somebody is paying me to do it?

Case in point. I was in Target last weekend with Little Miss Fussy who saw all the Halloween decorations, and more importantly, the bags of candy. So she asked me what our plans were for the holiday this year.

“We’re going to do the same thing as last year” I told her. “I’m going to run out the night before Halloween, and buy whatever candy is left for trick-or-treaters”. So that means I can pretty much push off thinking about Halloween until Tuesday night.

[Quick show of hands, if you can see where this going]

Tuesday night, I’ll run out to get whatever candy I can. You know, because Halloween is on October 31. Like it is every year. This year it just happens to fall on a Wednesday. So you know what? We’re celebrating it on Wednesday.

Little Miss Fussy is going to dress up as one of the Schuyler sisters, and go door to door asking for candy. I’m going to stay at home, and pass out candy to whoever rings our bell. Most likely, nobody is going to come. Last year I think I got to open the door twice.

Still, I’m going to buy more candy than we need. However, I’m not putting any thought into the vile goo candy manufacturers are cranking out these days and calling chocolate. I don’t have the mental space right now to get worked up about PGPR, or child labor in chocolate, or the coloring agents which are prohibited in countries with greater consumer protections.

Okay. Maybe I will once I head back out to the store on Tuesday.

Right now, what’s sticking in my craw are all the Halloween festivities that are being planned days ahead of the actual holiday.

Stop.

Friday night is not Halloween. Saturday is not Halloween. You want to attend a costume party? Go right ahead. But Halloween is on Wednesday. That’s when it should be celebrated dammit. And not only that, but it should be celebrated at night. I understand that it’s safer to trick-or-treat in the daylight hours, but this holiday is all about danger. Seriously people. Get it together.

Do we celebrate Independence Day on July 5 just because it’s on a Friday?
What about Christmas on December 21 because it’s a Saturday?
Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.

That’s why I wanted to make sure this post was published on Thursday. By Friday it may be too late to change your plans. You may already be in costume for some kind of work party to pre-game for the Halloween weekend. But there is no Halloween weekend. On its face the notion is ridiculous, even if Halloween were to fall on a Saturday, it’s still just one night.

Do not be fooled. You’re smarter than that. Now, find yourself something to do that doesn’t co-opt this gloriously creepy night that rolls around only ONCE every year.

Yours truly,
The Halloweenie

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