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The 2018 Candy Bowl

October 31, 2018

It’s Halloween, and I’m going to keep this light. There are plenty of other places on the Interwebs where you can go and read about the true life horrors of the day.

Blessed be the innocents who go around and pretend to be frightened by imaginary monsters.

So for them, I’ll have candy. And frankly, I could use some candy too. Although as the designated stay-at-home-and-pass-out-candy person, my own little treat is a sweet double IPA that I picked up at the store. It should help to pass the time, since last year the doorbell rang twice. Twice.

This year, as a result, I bought less candy. I hope the stash holds out. And as opposed to the Halloweens of the past, I’ve put much much less thought into the selection. Which isn’t to say this year’s candy bowl isn’t focused on some strategic objective. It is. It’s just that, much like last year, I still feel broken by the candy industry.

What’s in the bowl? I’m glad you asked.

What I discovered last year was that some of my favorite candies had been reformulated, so Twix and Kit Kat had been removed from the consideration set. So instead of choosing mass market candy that I actually like, I went a different direction.

Here’s a dirty little secret. One of my favorite parts of Halloween is stealing some candy from my kids trick-or-treat bags. I’m very selective in the candy that I steal. Typically, it’s something gross, that I would never buy, but remember fondly from my youth. At the store, I found a mixed bag composed of not just these things, but one of my mother’s favorite candy bars too. So I figured it must be fate.

Now we have 50 pieces of Butterfinger, Baby Ruth, and Nestle Crunch to give away.

Just because I’ve given up trying to fight the good fight against big candy, doesn’t mean that I didn’t read through the ingredients list before making the purchase. I did. And guess what? None of these candies have PGPR! Sure, they have TBHQ, but my kids were eating that in their bread for years.

Okay, fine. Now we get bread without TBHQ. But a little bit more in their Halloween candy isn’t going to kill them. Oh yeah. And all the candy is made out of corn and soy, just like pretty much everything else in our supermarkets. But that’s what one expects these days. Soy and corn. Corn and soy. With added flavors, colors, thickeners, and emulsifiers to try and emulate whatever foodstuff the product is pretending to be.

None of which will stop me from enjoying my one bite of Butterfinger. These bite sized treats are right sized, so it will only set me back 45 calories. The bit of Baby Ruth will add another 53 calories. And my hunch is that I’ll realize neither of these are as good as the memories from my youth, which will presumably satisfy my mass market candy cravings for another year.

Then it’s back to fairly traded dark chocolate, made without soy, “natural” flavors, or corn syrup. You know, chocolate.

Happy Halloween. Enjoy the scary monsters and super creeps.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. albanylandlord permalink
    November 1, 2018 1:39 am

    The Bite sized are made so cheaply that they are even crappier than the crappy full size versions of themselves.

  2. Dave permalink
    November 1, 2018 5:48 am

    they cleaned us out last night

  3. Ewan permalink
    November 1, 2018 4:13 pm

    https://www.voteworms.com/

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