Eggless

It must be very difficult being vegan in upstate New York.  Besides the fact that few restaurants even offer vegetarian options, there seem to be a lot of people who would eat you, if given a chance.

Me, I’m no vegan.  But I am watching my cholesterol, and I have a strange notion about what the word “moderation” means.

I love eggs.  Oh, how I love them.  I love them fried, poached, soft boiled, deviled, scrambled, as omelets and in French toast.  And one can’t forget about the egg-in-the-hole-in-the-bread.  One of the things I gave up in my self-imposed diet, to avoid medical intervention, was eggs.

And yes, I know that some people will claim that dietary cholesterol doesn’t translate to blood cholesterol.  Or some might argue that eggs are good for you in moderation, blah blah blah.  I am convinced nobody knows anything on the subject, and for now I am staying away.

Plus it’s not a very strict rule.  When I was in California staying with ADS, I tried an egg laid from each of his chickens.  And every now and again I’ll put one in a giant pan of fried rice.

Still, I miss them.  Terribly.  But when I indulge, I swear my abstinence has made the yolks taste even more luscious and divine than they might have otherwise.

As you might have guessed, I am not generally one for culinary experimentation.  Usually before starting a cooking project, I thoroughly research a dish, look at a few different ways of putting it together, and choose a recipe to make (or use a pastiche of the best parts from a few different recipes).

But when I was cooking the vegan baked ziti for my friends, I was struck by how crumbled tofu resembles scrambled egg curds.  And I got inspired.  I had a few odds and ends left over for flavoring crumbled tofu – agave syrup and nutritional yeast flakes.  So I decided to try my hand at a tofu scramble.

It wasn’t half bad.

Now for the sake of full disclosure, my evaluation likely has everything to do with not actually eating proper scrambled eggs for a year or more.  I’m just thinking about that right now.  It is so sad.  Real scrambled eggs, cooked in bacon drippings, are just so good.  I’ve always been a low-heat small-curd scrambled egg man myself.  Mrs. Fussy prefers the high-heat large-curd eggs.  Yet we still get along.

Anyway, my tofu scramble isn’t that.  Actually now I realize how much it pales in comparison.  But it’s still tasty dammit.  Plus I do happen to know of a few vegetarian readers who are lurking out in the darkness.  This could be useful to them.  And if you watch this video, you may reconsider mass-produced store-bought eggs entirely (please, please do not watch if you are even a touch squeamish, sentimental, within two hours of meal time, or at work).

Here’s the build:

Crumble up a brick of tofu.
Sprinkle generously with nutritional yeast.
Give a healthy squeeze of agave syrup.
Juice a half lemon (or some other acid – a splash of vinegar will do in a pinch).
Add a bit of turmeric for color – a little goes a long way.
Fry up a lot of sliced onions in olive or canola oil.
Fry up some veggie sausage and crumble.
Mix everything together, and cook in a skillet until hot.
A splash of Tabasco doesn’t hurt either.

It’s tasty on its own, served with home fries, or on toast.  Today, I just had some of this scramble wrapped in leftover flour tortillas for a late breakfast.

Don’t worry.  I’m not going vegan any time soon.  But I was genuinely surprised that now I have made two tasty vegan dishes on purpose.  Not to mention the international bean dishes that just happen to be vegan, which I make as a matter of course.

Vegans may get annoying and self-righteous at times.  Maybe I have more in common with them than I thought.

Gotta go.